| | girl meets boy. girl likes boy. boy asks girl out. girl has sex with boy. boy breaks up with girl.
story of my life.
it's so ironic how often i've broken up with guys because i'm not "ready" or i can't "handle" a relationship. does it hurt to try? no. but i never would. i'd never put myself out there enough to even give a guy the time of day. i finally met someone i liked. someone i really, really liked. and someone i could see myself being with. someone i wanted to be with. the moments we shared were sweet, almost magical. but sensual. he made me feel pretty. he made me feel special, and sexy, and worth more than i give myself credit for. and how is this possible? i've only known him for a month. but still. i liked him, more than i should. and it hurt me. it hurts now. but how should i expect anything more?
the first guy i've liked, the first guy i've tried with. the first i've opened myself up to, and put my heart and my neck on the line and it justs hurts. because it's not that he "doesn't like me" it's that he's "not ready right now." how do you tell a girl who you know likes you, you know has given up so much to be with you, how do you tell her that? i'd be melodramatic if i said he broke my heart, because he didn't. i'm not saying that at all. all i am saying is that the first guy i try to be a girlfriend to, the first guy i try at all with, just rejects me. and it sucks. a lot. because i was so hesitant in the first place, and then i said okay fuck it, i'm gonna try. i'm gonna put everything into this relationship, and what did it get me? nothing really. nothing at all, actually. just hurt feelings because he can't do it. he can have sex with me, he can take advantage of me, but he can't invest anything into a relationship with me. and that's okay. it's expected. does that mean it doesn't suck? no. because it does. i'd be lying if i said i was okay right now, because i really don't feel okay. i feel sad and rejected and used and angry.
i dunno. i just give up. i can't deal with boys anymore. i can't deal with relationships, and putting everything on the line and being bitten. i can't do it anymore. |
| | Posted 9/23/2009 10:56 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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