| | sicksicksick.
feeling a bit better emotionally. but i feel terrible physically. it sucks feeling like you're going to throw up all the time. i almost tried to make myself throw up today but then i chickened out. if i'm being honest, it wasn't all because i felt sick.
weather sucks so much. it's so cold. eventually i'm going to freeze into an icicle.
GOOD NEWS?
well...
i told river i loved him and he wasn't totally opposed to the idea. lol. i love my phrasing. but anyway. he told me.. that i'm way too smart for him. that i'm too good for him. and that there's someone out there so much better than he is. but. i dunno. he is is is. i want him and when he said he was going to let go of her, jesus you don't know how that made me feel. giddyhappyexcited... hopeful. but hope is a nasty emotion. because it allows you to believe that there could be something more. but when i asked him if maybe we could be... he said no. but when he said that he was fickle and unreliable, it still allowed that hope to settle back into my heart. and i'm not completely sure that's a good thing. i don't need to be hopeful. i'm scared to be with him, with anyone. he knows me so well, and it's scary. he knows my body and my soul and i dunno it's just a really intense dedication to him but it's nothing healthy. he's not good for me and i know it. my head says no but my heart is protesting with a strong "no, don't give up. you might have a chance with him. you could be with him." who knows if it'll happen. i don't.
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| | Posted 1/15/2009 10:07 PM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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